Late Night Ramblings - A Monologue

It’s the dreams you don’t lose that hurt the most. They’re the ones that fight back, that plague you in the dark nights, that show up uninvited after that fifth Jack, when you open that second pack.
They claw their way into your subconscious mind and hang on, tight. Those are the things you will have to answer for when your time comes, when your day is done. That’s when you’ll have to come to terms with the wasted potential, the lost battles against apathy, against fear, against yourself.
And it’s at those times, those middle-of-the-night attacks that you become lucid, and you become scared at what might’ve been, what might still be, what tomorrow may bring, and that’s when you have a chance to rebuild, to restart the game, Tabula Rasa, to wipe the slate clean.
But you don’t, and then it starts all over again.
You wake up and you’re late, or you’re hungry, or you need to pee and by the time you’ve done all the little things, all the little rituals which make you a human fit for public consumption you’ve completely forgotten about the late night revelations, the guilt, the resolutions that were made and promises and pacts and you’re just this automaton going through the motions, faking the emotions, gone are the hopes of living a life less ordinary.
But this, these nights, this time, this is when the brain is working, when the defences are down and you can see clearly, you can see what is really going on.

(c) Copyright 2007 by Joe Vaz